No, really. You suck. You are the absolute worst rock in the whole world. You deserve to be buried under a mile of mushy dirt far from all your stone friends. The mountain that you are descended from would shake its massive boulders in shame if it knew what you did.
And don’t even pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I was running along nice and easy last Wednesday when up you jumped and tripped me. I can’t possibly understand what was going through your molecules that would cause you to do such a thing. I’ve literally run by you hundreds of times over the years and never heard a peep from you. But not last week. Nope, you had to go and grab my toe and throw me to the ground.
I hit so hard I completely jacked up my left knee. You caused so much damage that the gore was literally dripping down my leg when I got home. It was so bad my wife almost puked on our kitchen floor and my son still hasn’t been able to go to sleep without leaving the lights on. I was walking around like I had just finished my first 100 miler for the next several days. Wincing with pain and grimacing in discomfort at every step. And it’s not like I don’t have a 50 mile race coming up in the next couple days. Kinda tough to run those on one leg.
And just in case I wasn’t completely clear earlier, you suck. It will give me great pleasure to step, stomp, and kick you every morning for the next couple decades. I’m now planning on going out of my way each and every day just so I can abuse your stony little self. Get ready for a world of hurt, buddy because I’m going to be all over you.
In conclusion, you suck.
P.S. Just so you know, I’ve changed my headlamp batteries so I’ll totally be able to see you tomorrow.